Potty Talk

At the school we attend each week, a family is chosen to give a presentation on something.  While other families have chosen to act out Bible stories, recite the 66 books of the Bible, quote the Beatitudes and other similar topics, we chose a subject near and dear to our hearts:  toilets & sewers.

Yes, never content with the status quo, we are always pushing against the norms.

And I believe it was a hit.

I kept things tame for everyone's sake, but researching the topic was an eye-opening experience for me.  Here are some of the most interesting discoveries:

"In 1884 English plumber Thomas Crapper designed a toilet that flushed more easily.  Thomas Crapper & Company made many of the toilets used in Europe.  Great Britain's Queen Victoria honored him, U.S. soldiers made him famous.  U.S. soldiers working in England during World War I began to call toilets 'crappers.'"  The Story Behind Toilets by Elizabeth Raum

Ever heard of the phrase, "Getting hold of the wrong end of the stick"? According to Penny Colman in the book Toilets, Bathtubs, Sinks and Sewers, "Public latrines were built throughout [Rome]. These structures were generally erected over a channel of running water. They had stone seats with a hole in the center. A bucket containing salt water stood beside each latrine. A long stick with a sponge tied to one end rested in the water. People used the spongy end like toilet paper and then put it back in the water for the next person to use."

Tours of the Paris sewers were a popular activity among the elite.  "The Paris sewer tours started in the mid-1800s.  The tour boats were outfitted with special wings that cleaned the sides of the the pipe as the boat traveled down the tunnel.  Lamps on the sides of the pipe lit the way so guests could see where they were going.  The water was fast-moving and this helped keep the smell tolerable."  Flush!  The Scoop on Poop by Charise Mericle Harper

and finally,

Louis XIV "would hold court, write letters, and issue orders while seated on the toilet throne (closetool).  This ceremony was called the petit coucher...which means "little sleep."  The lords used this time to ask the king for grants of money or special favors."  Flush!  The Scoop on Poop

I think it's interesting that all of these texts were written by women (no doubt, mothers to boys).  Flush! had to have been my favorite: 13 poems on the subject.  It ends like this:

FINALLY



We never said it ever.

Not once could it be heard.

We alluded to it plenty,

but then used another word.

So if you want to yell it,

and I know some of you do,

get ready, here it comes.

I'm going to write it just for you.

Let's do it all together.

Not a whisper, give a shout:

"POOPY!  POOPY!  POOPY!

is what this book's about!"

A Sweet Reminder

Thanks, Andrew!

Panic

Is it really March 29?

Just two more months until we meet our newest addition (though in reality, I'll probably we granted a week's reprieve).

After my last panic-attack about 2 months ago, I sat down and wrote a month-by-month calendar, organizing the various tasks I needed or wanted to finish before The Date.  It's been such a lifesaver, and for the most part, I've stayed on track.

Another trek across Europe with Rick Steves, and I'll have this item complete.  We're gettng there.

Overheard

The boys were playing with their CARS vehicles this morning when I caught the following explanation by Andrew:

"Well, there are two The Kings: one is Richard Petty and one is Jesus Christ, but Jesus is the most important."

Clarification

Lest anyone think that I would voluntarily allow my children to be fawned over by Hooters girls, let me assure you that a great moral battle took place in my mind.  It was a required stop on the way to bigger and better things, namely the MARS tent that was handing out samples of chocolate.  I heatedly debated in my head whether to make a stand against the exploitation of women but decided that denying my children balloons and stickers would probably make more of a scene; at the time, it just wasn't worth it.

Ever allergy-conscious, the boys hesitated when they were offered 2 Twix and a bag of M&Ms apiece.  "Just take it," I muttered.  "We'll sort it out later."  (Translated:  Dad & I will eat what you can't).

And like balm to my hurt ego, the vendor decided I needed a double portion since I was eating for two.  Bless your heart!

Pilgrimage

 "There is no other place like it in the world."  Kurt Busch

"It's like racing fighter jets in a gymnasium."

Like Mecca to Muslims, Bristol Motor Speedway is one of those places a true NASCAR fan must experience.  Even I (lukewarm at best) was awed by the immensity of the structure.

Once kids are in the picture, date nights always seem to end with a run to Wal-mart or the grocery store.  Thankfully our night out yielded some clearance NASCAR apparel for the upcoming event.

Andrew was a little overwhelmed with meeting two real drivers -

Chad Hackenbracht who races in the ARCA Driving Series (whatever that is)

and Julia Dawson of the UARA Stars (haven't heard of this either).

We decided that Stephen and Papa probably aren't cut out for the NASCAR pit crew circuit - Stephen said the tools were too loud and Papa couldn't figure out how to work the controls.

Police patrol might be more up his alley.

There were lots of different types of cars and people for one's viewing pleasure -

for example, check out the guy in the background:

Need a closer look?

BMS personified.

Yes, it was better people-watchin' than the local county fair. 

Yet, even with the best of times, there must be tears.

The cause?  He didn't get an "I love Hooters" sticker. 

Not that he could read it, nor would he understand if he did (though some redneck behind me assured me that the boys would really appreciate this in another 10 years!).

But for the sake of family peace, I marched my 30 week pregnant body through the crowd

to kindly request an extra sticker from the the scantily-clad female. 

After tears were dried and Andrew glimpsed his hero Jeff Gordon, we decided we had had our fill.

As we passed by the speedway nearly 12 years ago, headed off on our honeymoon and the joys of married life, I never dreamed I would be returning with these four precious boys in tow.

Perks

Maybe it was the desperate look in my eye.

Maybe it was the phrasing, "I need a bear claw."

Maybe it was almost closing time.

Whatever the reason, I was grateful for my complimentary "customer sample."

Twister

From the far north they heard a low wail of the wind, and Uncle Henry and Dorothy could see where the long grass bowed in waves before the coming storm.  There now came a sharp whistling in the air from the south, and as they turned their eyes that way they saw ripples in the grass coming from that direction also.

Suddenly Uncle Henry stood up.

"There's a cyclone coming, Em," he called to his wife; "I'll go look after the stock."  Then he ran toward the sheds where the cows and horses were kept.

Aunt Em dropped her work and came to the door.  One glance told her of the danger close at hand.

"Quick, Dorothy!" she screamed; "run for the cellar!"

                                                                                The Wizard of Oz by Frank Baum

I guess this is a typical reaction for residents of Kansas and other tornado-prone areas of the country.  Unfortunately, in the hills of Appalachia, twisters are nearly unheard of, the stuff of movies and books which would explain my relaxed approach to the storm last Monday afternoon.

Like a redneck's last words ("Hey, buddy, watch this!"), the boys and I stood at our storm door remarking, "Wow, this is some storm!"  In trying to call my husband, I reached my father instead and marveled to him about the intensity of the wind and rain which completely blocked our view of the street.

"Tornado" never once crossed my mind nor did the thought of escaping to the basement.  As my mother later reminded me, "The Lord watches over fools and drunks."

Isn't that the truth. 

Interruptions to electricity and phone service were merely annoyances.  We gathered only a small pile of twigs, and while many of our neighbors were less fortunate in regards to their landscaping,

the overall structural damage to our neighborhood was minimal.

There has been a flurry of activity including lots of rescue and utility trucks working feverishly to restore everything to normal which has provided a great diversion to our regular routine.

Chances are we'll be frequenting the basement in the future.  Better safe than sorry.